Amiga Anarchy: Body Blows/Body Blows Galactic

Hey, kids! Do you like Street Fighter 2? Well, why not spend your hard earned allowance on its new Amiga port?

Actually, let’s not.

So, the Amiga version of Street Fighter 2 has ended up as a complete mockery of everything that made the original great. The replacement of Ken’s girlfriend Eliza with a broom in a dress being just one of the list of grievances. Wipe your tears, though, because Team 17, those people you keep hearing are supposed to be really good at Amiga games, have the game for you!

“Hi, we’re Team 17, creators of Worms, the series which we must never, ever stop making games for, or we will instantly go bankrupt.”

Jackie Chan: Fists Of Fire

So, lately, thinking back on it, I’ve been slipping a little on the whole ’90s’ part of the ’90’s Time Machine’. I mean, King of Chicago, as interesting as it was, was made in 1986. And the 90’s, in my book, didn’t even really get going until 1992. I intend to make up for this. I’m going to find a game so delightfully 90’s it’ll easy make up all the 80’s I subjected you to.

And what could this game be? Well… it’s a Mortal Kombat clone. Lots of synth guitars. A game made by the people who made those Chester Cheetah games. (Which, once I get back into the food game gimmick, I totally need to cover.)

Also, one little extra thing.

Damn it, Jackie, quit posing when I’m trying to take a photo of you.

That’s better, thank you.

That’s right, it’s a fighting game all about Jackie Chan. This ought to be good.

Yiff! (It’s the name of a game, you perverts)

It’s just a stupid puzzle game.  Really.

No, it’s not what you think it’s about. …OK, well, maybe it is. A little. I promise you it’s not porn. But unless your boss already knows you have a habit of looking at big-thighed Chinese fox women, maybe you should hold off on this post until you get home. I mean, just to be sure.

 

Intermission: Best Final Bosses

So, yeah, I’m doing another intermission. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m losing track of what I said I was going to do. It’s my fault, but to be honest, there’s only so many food-related platformers you can hear about before you kind of want to take a break from the whole idea. I dunno when I’ll get back onto my ‘main’ topic, just… eventually.

Anyway. We’re here today to discuss something very important to any retro gamer who knows anything about ANYTHING. Bosses.

No, smartass.