The Lunchables/Sega Game Tips VHS

Growing up as a child of the late 90’s to early 2000’s, Lunchables were¬†definitely¬†a thing for me. As much as I wish they weren’t looking back. If you never heard of them, Lunchables are basically a pre-packaged set of processed food you put together to make something resembling food. They also come with candy and a Capri Sun fruit drink, which I dare say would be tastier than the actual thing you make. Still, they make a decent enough alternative to your average lunchroom food any day of the week.

Wow, not even the picture on the box makes that look appetizing. I'm impressed.

Wow, not even the picture on the box makes that look appetizing. I’m impressed.

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Amiga Anarchy: Body Blows/Body Blows Galactic

Hey, kids! Do you like Street Fighter 2? Well, why not spend your hard earned allowance on its new Amiga port?

Actually, let's not.

Actually, let’s not.

So, the Amiga version of Street Fighter 2 has ended up as a complete mockery of everything that made the original great. The replacement of Ken’s girlfriend Eliza with a broom in a dress being just one of the list of grievances. Wipe your tears, though, because Team 17, those people you keep hearing are supposed to be really good at Amiga games, have the game for you!

"Hi, we're Team 17, creators of Worms and pretty much literally nothing else for over 20 years."

“Hi, we’re Team 17, creators of Worms, the series which we must never, ever stop making games for, or we will instantly go bankrupt.”

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Amiga Anarchy: Base Jumpers

So, hey, I’m bored, and I’ve got tons of free time. Here’s an idea: Let’s open some some game I’ve ever played, for some system I don’t know much about, and see what happens. This couldn’t possibly go wrong, could it?

Some people see "tragedy". I see "adventure"!

Some people see “tragedy”. I see “adventure”!

Did I mention I never actually had an Amiga?

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Skunny: Save Our Pizzas

A couple of weeks ago, I went into a thing about a weird little Belgian platformer called Skunny: Back to the Forest. It was a terrible game made by people with an incredible lack of talent or sense. The thing is, though, they somehow went on to make five other games in this series, two more of which are platformers.

Next up, we’ve got Save Our Pizzas. Let’s have a look at the feature list. At least, the features not copied and pasted from the page for Back to the Forest.
* 256 color graphics painted by one of the best artists in the business. Business of what, I’m not sure.

* Interactive Springs/Catapults. Well, I’d hope they’d be interactive, or else they’d just be part of the background, wouldn’t they?

* Timer Bombs for blowing away those nasty, nasty sprites. Well, they’re right about the “nasty, nasty sprites” part.

* Bribes for getting through doors. I told you before, Copysoft, that’s not a feature, that’s a gameplay element. That’s like putting “health bars” as a feature of your fighting game.

* Secret Sections full of goodies. OK, so just like every platformer ever made.

And so, after starting the game, we get the usual “If you have problems, blah blah blah nobody needs this stuff anymore with DOSBox” screen, and the usual ugly Copysoft logo. After that, though…

So there’s this chef with eyebrows to rival Dr. Wily.

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Skunny: Back To The Forest

Hey, guys. It’s been a while. I know. Trust me, I know. Stuff happened, and now stuff is no longer happening, so hopefully now I can get back into this.

But enough of that. What I have today is… well. It’s been something that’s stuck with me for a long time. Stuck, in this case, being more like something that sticks to your shoe. …What I’m saying is that this game isn’t very good. As a wee lad, I was primarily a DOS kid. I loved DOS. I loved the games. I loved learning how to use the command line. And what I loved most of all were the neon-colored shareware CDs that came with a bunch of random games, with absolutely no regard for quality or consistency.

Now, one of the series of games these CDs had was a series called Skunny. Skunny, you see, was an attempt by a Belgian outfit known as Copysoft to create a mascot for the PC, not all that long before the likes of Jazz Jackrabbit. It didn’t work. At all. Somehow, though, the bastard ended up getting 7 games, if you include the reboot. Yes, there was a reboot, in 1995. Well, reboot in so much that while it shared the same species of main character, same basic genre, and oddly enough, some of the same sound effects, but it was an entirely new game by different people. Yes, I’ll be getting into it, eventually.

Copysoft, shockingly, still seems to be around. Let’s check their website and see what they’re up to, why don’t we?

Promising. And yes, that is a kart racer you see.

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Jackie Chan: Fists Of Fire

So, lately, thinking back on it, I’ve been slipping a little on the whole ’90s’ part of the ’90’s Time Machine’. I mean, King of Chicago, as interesting as it was, was made in 1986. And the 90’s, in my book, didn’t even really get going until 1992. I intend to make up for this. I’m going to find a game so delightfully 90’s it’ll easy make up all the 80’s I subjected you to.

And what could this game be? Well… it’s a Mortal Kombat clone. Lots of synth guitars. A game made by the people who made those Chester Cheetah games. (Which, once I get back into the food game gimmick, I totally need to cover.)

Also, one little extra thing.

Damn it, Jackie, quit posing when I’m trying to take a photo of you.

That’s better, thank you.

That’s right, it’s a fighting game all about Jackie Chan. This ought to be good. Continue reading

King Of Chicago

Ah, Cinemaware. I never really knew a whole lot about them, and I never really played many of their games until I found out the magic of emulation. It seems like they were at their biggest in the 80’s, and, being a 90’s kid, as you can see by LOOKING AT THE TOP OF THE SCREEN YOU MORON… well, I’m just a tad biased. Still, they did some pretty neat stuff for the time. Mostly, for inventing the concept of an ‘interactive movie’ when the closest thing to that was Dragon’s Lair.

And let’s be honest, here, this is really the only reason people actually played Dragon’s Lair. You know, for the smooth animation.

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