Skunny: Save Our Pizzas

A couple of weeks ago, I went into a thing about a weird little Belgian platformer called Skunny: Back to the Forest. It was a terrible game made by people with an incredible lack of talent or sense. The thing is, though, they somehow went on to make five other games in this series, two more of which are platformers.

Next up, we’ve got Save Our Pizzas. Let’s have a look at the feature list. At least, the features not copied and pasted from the page for Back to the Forest.
* 256 color graphics painted by one of the best artists in the business. Business of what, I’m not sure.

* Interactive Springs/Catapults. Well, I’d hope they’d be interactive, or else they’d just be part of the background, wouldn’t they?

* Timer Bombs for blowing away those nasty, nasty sprites. Well, they’re right about the “nasty, nasty sprites” part.

* Bribes for getting through doors. I told you before, Copysoft, that’s not a feature, that’s a gameplay element. That’s like putting “health bars” as a feature of your fighting game.

* Secret Sections full of goodies. OK, so just like every platformer ever made.

And so, after starting the game, we get the usual “If you have problems, blah blah blah nobody needs this stuff anymore with DOSBox” screen, and the usual ugly Copysoft logo. After that, though…

So there’s this chef with eyebrows to rival Dr. Wily.

And he goes in this underground… elevator… thing, where Skunny follows him. Nice Wordart title, by the way.

Well, that explained nothing. Let’s go back to our little pit of crazy, the story screen. While you’re reading up on this sure to be enthralling plotline, have some dramatic music to go with it.

I see that the whole CAPITALIZE EVERYBODY’S NAME NO MATTER WHAT thing is in full swing once again.

Our mission? Stop Domino’s Pizza.

But seriously, fuck Domino’s.

Between this and “sticky nut puddings”, I’d say the developers had some serious issues they needed to work out.

…Turn him into a pizza? Can’t we just… I dunno, put him in jail or something? That just sounds kind of harsh.

Probably the sanest thing I’ve read in this whole series so far. Also, the most boring.

LITERALLY NO OTHER FOOD ON THIS PLANET EXISTS BESIDES PIZZA

The rest of the story pages are the same thing about Skunny stalking you from your computer, so we’re just going to skip right over that and get to the game.

When I think the outfit of a hip new platforming hero with attitude, I think “wifebeater”.

So here we are at the first stage, Rome, 50 BC. As you can see, they’ve changed a few things around since Back to the Forest. For one thing, there’s no more timer, just a regular old health bar. The problem is that enemies tend to do a ton of damage, and Skunny has knockback a Belmot could only dream of. Skunny’s thankfully a lot more controllable than he was in Back to the Forst, and he doesn’t constantly rocket around the screen like Awesome Possum covered in lard. You can also collect bombs, like the ones up on that ledge, and drop them near enemies to kill them. Yes, you can blow yourself up with your own bombs like a dumbass. It’s actually pretty easy to.

Terrible Copysoft Design Decision #1,431.

Check this guy out. You can’t see them, but he constantly spawns musical notes out of his harp that explode when they touch the ground. There’s pretty much no way to get past this guy without taking damage, and while the notes don’t cause knockback, actually colliding with him will, and you WILL fall in that pit, and you WILL die.

Terrible Copysoft D — screw it, this whole game was a terrible decision.

Having a hard time seeing that enemy? You’re not the only one. Once he goes behind that wall, the only way you can actually tell anybody’s there is by that little helmet sticking out. Oh, and don’t try jumping on him, because….

Well put, game.

Knockback.

And so, that’s pretty much the game. You walk forward, get murdered by Romans, and pick up all the random fruit and coins laying around. The coins are pretty much mandatory, because every once in a while, you’ll find a guy blocking your way unless you give him money. Never mind that you’ve already murdered every other Roman in your path, because this guy’s greed somehow created an invisible wall. But you’re not getting a picture of that, because I hate this game. Next!

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